On the heels of Prince Harry becoming engaged, to an AMERICAN, it got me thinking. One fairy tales are real! I like to think that Megan is a modern Belle! (Cause Cinderella is stupid and I don’t like her! And I’m a Beauty and the Beast fan.)
Anyway, the engagement got me thinking about characteristics that you should look for in someone you are hoping will becoming “the one.”
First off all, I think it is healthy and important to not think about finding “the one.” I feel that if you and someone, who you can grow with organically, have the same foundational beliefs, is the one you’ve been looking for.
Let’s be real here.
You are never going to get a flash of lightening, or a classical music flowing around you while wild flowers blossom as he or she enters your vision line. Nor are you ever going to get the glowing yellow or white light suddenly radiating behind them like a halo. You will just know.
One of my favorite things that Meghan Markle said about her relationship was that they got to know each other through each other and things just happened organically. That is romantic and realistic. (Not so romantic.)
With that here are my top five things to look for in a potential mate.
- Do they have the same moral foundation as you? This does and will include any religious affiliation. It takes a strong foundation for two people from different religious backgrounds to one become a couple and two to stay a couple. This is non negotiable. If you don’t believe in the same things, believe it or not, this will come back to haunt you. Either by first small teasing to flat out insulting you. If you don’t attend church or believe in God, you still have core beliefs. Those core beliefs will also assist you when you (if you decided) to have kids. If those beliefs clash with your partner then well, it will cause for a rocky time when it comes to coming up with a basic plan to raise your kids. Or how you live your life.
- Do you both want kids? Another deal breaker. For the love of Pete, do not be one of those people who thinks they can change the other person’s mind. Or even make them believe what you believe. Cause you can’t. If someone says “I don’t want kids, ever,” chances are they mean it 100%. And if you feel the same way, bravo you have common ground, now stick to it. There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids, just like there is nothing wrong with wanting kids. Just know that regardless of how long you’ve been together, and you change your mind chances are your partner has/ will not. If you end up having a kid out of peer pressure, cause hey your friends are doing it, and you find out you don’t like have kids don’t have another. And don’t be surprised if your partner washes their hands of the relationship. This is something that needs to be talked about at the beginning of your relationship, just not on the first date.
- Opposites attract but how much do you have in common? You should have somethings in common. Probably number one, or number two but I’m sure if you look hard enough you’ll see there is more. After all you are going to spending a lot of time together so you don’t want to get on each other’s nerves. If you can’t spend an hour with your partner then how are you going to spend a lifetime with them? My husband and I are into different things, most couples are. He likes Youtube and I like the Kardashians. We are perfectly happy watching our guilty pleasures with the other in the room, not talking. In fact we can sit in the same room together for hours just hanging out not talking and be perfectly content. Then there are times when all we do is talk. After fourteen years together we have yet to run out of things to say to each other!
- Supportive. This is a big one. Your partner should be your biggest support and vise versa. You both should hold each other up and pick each other up too, either during times of pain or times of joy. Changing jobs or getting a promotion. Trust me there will be ups and downs outside of the relationship and if you don’t have a support system it will be harder then necessary.
- Communicative.This is another important factor in any relationship. If you can’t communicate with your partner then you’re doomed. He or she may have everything else you are looking for in a mate but you can’t talk to them to save your life. I don’t mean you can’t talk to them about what to have for dinner, I mean talking about the hard stuff. Like money or health or whatever. If you can’t communicate with them then you might as well not even go past the first six months.
There you have it.
What are some things you look for in a mate? Sound off in the comments.
Until Next time!