Dear person I admire,
You don’t know me, and you will never know me, but you and I share a connection that can never be broken. When we first met you were in college and I was barely out of high school. You and your friends blew through my speakers on waves of music I didn’t even know was missing from my life. The words you spoke were feelings and thoughts anyone could feel. Your music was not tailored for this person or that person, your music was an expression of a moment in your life, that just happened to be a moment in our lives.
From that moment I knew that I would always hold a spot in my soul for you and your friends. I am sad to say we did lose touch for a beat. I went through things and you went through things, but in the end we found our way. In an almost symbolic way we had grown up, and within a year we found each other again.
As in my life, your art and work morphed into a different but recognizable entity. I remember almost, every moment in my life where I was when I heard each one of your songs. What I was doing and how and I was feeling at the moment I had your music and because of you, I felt as though I could express myself, that it was OK to be raw to let my emotions out. When I faced the hardest depression of my life, your music was almost like a life jacket to me. I can not tell you how many times you made me cry, but with each tear I was brought closer to recovery.
I also want you to know that it wasn’t just you, it was all of you.
Fast forward to now, I am listening to your pain. It is intimate, raw and angry. Everything I thought you would be after what happened.
Life can change in an instant. We all know this, but I am sure you never expected things to turn out this way. You not only lost a friend, you lost a lot of things. Like a domino effect, or the rug being ripped out from under you.
Our lives are so easily altered by those around us, and we don’t even realize it. Those connections that we forge are what make us who we are but they are not what define us. I will admit embarrassingly, I felt as though I lost someone close to me when you lost him, and I didn’t even know him. It hurts, it comes in waves, and it is confusing. But what I feel is nothing compared to what you and everyone who knew him is feeling.
I know you are hurt by his loss in more ways than just one. I know you are scared, upset and angry and I know you don’t want to be. It is competently okay to be angry. It is ok to curse him seven ways to Sunday. I know you thought to yourself over and over again, “Why didn’t he reach out?” “Was there something I should have done?” “Should I have called him?” etc. Believe me, we have all asked ourselves these questions.
The answer is there was nothing you could have done.
Everything that you are feeling is normal after something like this. And I know you already know it will take some time.
I know you feel like your falling, and everyone is waiting for you to fall flat on your face. You and the rest of the guys have been facing this type of hate since day one. What did you do then? You laughed in that face of hate, you created something much bigger then you realize. I don’t know where you are planning to go from here, but I am with you. I don’t know , and I am not asking, what the future might bring but I do know that I will be there.
Despite us never meeting, or never knowing one another I am with you. I feel your pain. I don’t expect you to make a choice now or even tomorrow. I know that with time you will get there. When the moment is right, for you, you will get there.
Until we met again.